Uncertainty.  Ahhh, that little thorn in my side.

I can’t stand uncertainty, yet my whole life is governed by it.  It’s the way of all of us last-minute mommies, is it not?

 

Will I make it to the event on time?  I don’t know! How exciting!

Will I finish making the Easter basket before the sun comes up?  Not quite sure!  Stressful racing of the clock is fun!

Will I totally ruin my kids for life?  Just have to wait and see!!! Wheeeeee!

 

I have no idea what I’m doing 90% of the time, yet I hate uncertainty.  It makes me break out in hives and get twitchy.

Today is a good example – I was driving all over town to try to find Scooby Doo birthday invitations.  Uncertain of where to look, three stores later, I hadn’t found them.  Not one Scooby/Mystery Machine/70′s invitation to be found.  Blasphemy!!  (But, on the plus side, I realized it was totally possible to have an inner monolog running in the voice of Scooby Doo…)

Rut-roh!  No rinritations here reither!?  Rut rill re roo?!

{Yeah.  I’m uncertain of what I just said too.}

Cut to a few hours later and I’m in a huge party store – with kids in tow – that I was certain would have the invitations.  Yeah, no such luck.  And what happens?   The kid decides, upon seeing theme after theme of items that they did actually have, that she is uncertain of what she wants anymore.

Roooooooooh Nooooooo!

Seriously, kid?  I’ve been driving all around God’s creation, spending hours of my life, looking for this special thing to make you happy… and now you’re not sure?

*twitch.  twitch.*

Uncertainty strikes again!!!

 

I think, though, it’s pretty hard to be certain when you’re a parent.  You can’t be certain that you are doing the right thing.

Ever.

We always question ourselves.  Did we help enough?  Did we step back enough?  Did we encourage?  Were we firm?  Did I let her eat too many jelly beans?  Was letting her stay up that late a horrible decision?  Should I fight for her harder?  Should I coach her more?  Do I let her embarrass herself?  Should I force feed the squash down her throat?  Should I cave and get the cell phone?  Does she need more independence?  How can I be certain she is safe?  Will my job ever be done?

Parenting is one big ugly ball of uncertainty.  And so many of those questions we ask as parents will never be answered.  But I think that’s probably a good thing.  As much as I hate not knowing what is coming next, or where I’m going, or what I’m going to do, it’s probably a life saver in my job as a parent.  It makes me constantly assess, and change, and grow.

Because I know one thing for certain – if they keep growing and changing, then I need to grow and change along with them.  Otherwise I will be overrun within minutes.  And I certainly don’t want that to happen.