So. Excited.
Happy Hunger Games!
But I finished book 3 too early and I can’t go to the movie til Saturday!
If you are dying in anticipation like I am, you’ll enjoy this:
May the odds be ever in your favor!!!
‘Mom Media’ Category Archive
12 ways to Check your Lemons
Donkey balls. I suffered sat through basketball practice and wrote this whole post, then my stupid wordpress app deleted the whole thing. Grr.
Pretty much, it was to say two things. (Only 2 because I am feeling sick and dealing with a rather annoying weather-related headache. Stupid barometric pressure.)
Number one:
I think one of my main jobs, as a 3-dayer-for-life, is to educate others about breast cancer. I may be falling down on this job, just a bit, but today I came across this awesome graphic that does this beautifully. Before you peek, could you list 12 signs of breast cancer? I’m not sure I could…but I think this graphic will definitely keep the signs in my head.
Click on the image to enlarge
Number two:
I’m still searching for your input on topic ideas for my audition. Although, I’m beginning to think I am asking just to stall the actual writing. I mean, I don’t have a great idea in my head, but I do know that bitching about it isn’t going to make the audition piece write itself. {Note to self: stop futzing around and just write already.} {Response from self: Ok, damn, lay off.}
(Side note: do other people use the word “futzing?” My mom has all sorts of words like this, from thingamajig to doo-gee-wap, but it occurs to me right now that it might be a “mom” word, and not a world-wide known word.)
Alright, I’m off to bed…
Check your lemons!
Help Wanted
Here we are, nearing the end of January, and nearing the end of this month’s NaBloPoMo. I’ve done pretty well, I’d say. I missed a few days here and there, but I think I’m going to go ahead and call it a win. Mostly because it’s my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want to. So there.
The next question is, do I sign up for February? That’s a tough one. I don’t want to have to blog every day – because that can be a pain in the ass – but it does, at least, make me write something. Hopefully more kick ass somethings, than so-so ones.
Also, since I have this audition for Listen to Your Mother coming up, I’m going to need to write something good to preform. And right now, I don’t have a thing. Nothing. At all. Not even a topic.
Yeah. {Screwed.}
This is where y’all come in. I wanted to ask you all, what do you think? Which of my posts do you like? What topic should I discuss? Anything I’ve written so far that you loved and I can build on? Anything that was incredibly lame?
I really need you to help me out, dammit!
See this is the point that I always get stuck at: the starting point. I look at a task and I get overwhelmed and I just can’t move forward. House is a mess…don’t know where to start…don’t clean the house. Huge project due…don’t know what to do…don’t do the project. Got to get healthy…overwhelmed…don’t do anything. Audition to perform…don’t know where to start….NooooOOoooooo! Not again!
If I can’t even figure out what to write, I guarantee I won’t finish starting this whole big mess. And that is just not an option at this point. I found a way to push outside of my normal safety zone, and I’m determined to go through with it. Win or lose, I want to give it a great go.
I guess this is where February’s NaBloPoMo might help. Perhaps I’ll treat every day as a mini writing session for the audition. (Don’t worry – I want it to be in my voice, so I will still do my best to be funny and relatable and maybe even poignant too.)
Now, just tell me what the hell I should write about!
No, seriously, leave a comment.
Now.
Pleaseandthankyou.
Blogging is hard, mkay?
Oh Lord…
8 more days of posts to write. 8 more days of funny to bring. 8 more days of ideas to squeeze out of my mind.
Really? I don’t think this ol’ betty has got 8 more days – even if we all got together and prayed really hard. (Not to mention that it would be really selfish of me to ask y’all to pray that I write good blog posts for 8 more days in a row when we could all be wishing for much more important things. Like world peace. Or for a united nation, no longer torn apart from politics. Or the end of those really annoying radio commercials in which two people talk to each other in a “nonchalant” kind of way in order to repeatedly tell us a phone number to call. “What number did you call, Betty? Was it 888-your-mom?” “Yep, 888-your-mom.” “You said 888-your-mom, right?” “You’ve got it, Norma! 888-your-mom!” Yeah. That. Lets pray to end that.)
Anyway, regardless of praying, today I am low on interest and feeling burnt out. And now, while I really do like her posts and love how she runs NaBloPoMo, Melissa had to go and have this to say…
“You’re participating in NaBloPoMo, which means you need to drag yourself to the computer whether you want to or not. I know that sitting down in front of the screen is hard, but I promise you, you’ll feel better once you do it. It’s like exercising: sometimes it hurts to pull on the shorts and sports bra, you sigh loudly as you drive to the gym, and you pretty much want to cry when you step onto the treadmill. But you feel so damn good when it’s over that you can almost forget that you need to go through this again the next day.”
…which made me want to throw my laptop at her.
I mean, for me, most of that is accurate. Drag to the computer? Check. Sigh loudly as I drive to the gym? Check. Cry on the treadmill? Hell yes that’s a check. Feel so damn good when it’s over that I almost forget all this pain? Um, hells to the em effin no. Not at the gym, and not when I’m writing.
Sure, sometimes it comes easily. Sometimes I can laugh and write really easily and tackle that elliptical like it’s my bitch. Hell, I can even be thankful I worked out/wrote from time to time. But, around day 18 or so, blogging gets to be a whole different kind of beast.
This is more how I see it:
Moms, do you remember when you had your baby, and you saw it’s smiling cooing little bald head, and then your raging hormones made you forget about all the pain the little bundle of joy just caused you? You forgot about the fact that at least half a dozen people saw your junk all in the air doing things that really shouldn’t humanly be possible. You forgot that you pushed a semi-alien life form outside of a tiny whole in your body that shouldn’t have allowed even the smallest bit of that baby out under normal circumstances. You forgot how much that really flipping sucked for the next few days while you bled uncontrollably or had never-ending pain in your nethers or how you couldn’t stand without yelping or how you couldn’t even freaking poop.
Well, now…you know how that same child stayed up all night long crying and not sleeping just because it freaking could? And how that child threw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store when you were surrounded by what felt like hundreds of other judgy moms? And how that same child pushed every single one of your buttons and then it said something like, “you don’t do anything for me, MOM!”
And do you remember, how at those exact moments, every single horrific ache and pain came flooding back to your memory and you were all like, “OH HELL TO THE MUTHA FRACKING NO! I SURE AS HELL DID BIRTH YOU, AND I HAVE THE VAGINA/STRETCH MARKS/PTSD TO PROVE IT!”
Yeah, that’s how I feel about writing. Sometimes I enjoy what I wrote. That baby is fresh and new and smells like powder and nurses easily and has the cutest little non-poop-stained onesies to wear. Sometimes I re-read that post and think I did a good job and that I could do that again, easy peasy. And that my next post would come out of me like like rainbows out of a unicorn. Beautiful, poetic. Awesome.
Other days, writing is like birthing a small elephant. It hurts and it’s hard and the elephant smells horrifically bad and leaves nothing but giant loads of crap in it’s wake. And afterward, I think it would be better for everyone involved if I were to pay my cat to walk across the keyboard instead of me trying to do it all over again. Because that post was lame, poorly written, and just plain bad.
Yeah, that’s how I feel about writing. It a nutshell.
But, just for the record, I’m hoping the next 8 days will be less elephantine, and much more rainbows and unicorns.
Fingers crossed.
Listen to your mother
I saw a tweet the other day for a fantastic production called Listen to Your Mother.
These women are putting themselves out there and presenting us with what seems like, on the surface, simple stories from their lives as mothers. They start out normally enough, but somehow along the way, they transform into the beautifully woven tales of heartbreak, and humor, and motherhood.
And I watch them and I cry, then laugh, then cry, then laugh some more. Then, cry a lot more. And the whole while I’m thinking, “Me Too! Me too! I feel the exact same way too! I’ve said “mother fucker” a thousand times! I hate minivans too! It breaks my heart to watch my kids fail too!”
So you can understand why, when I saw the tweet that was announcing auditions for the upcoming local version of this show, I was extremely intrigued, yet riddled with doubt.
I would love to audition! But, am I funny/poignant/eloquent/brave enough? Would I be able to get the thoughts in my head out into one coherent story and then relate that to an audience of people sitting in front of me? If I can barely gulp down the fact that 3 real life people read my blog, would I be able to speak my truths in front of who knows how many more?
(And then, there are the more…um, physical issues as well. What if I burp into the microphone? What if I do the really ugly cry where I have snot running down my nose? That would be so awesome.)
I just don’t know. I wish I did. I do know that I feel as though I never fully get out what I want to say here. I simply don’t ever have enough time to thoroughly compose and tweak and edit a post before my eyes start to droop. So I feel like, if I gave myself enough time, I could compose something that was pretty darn good. Maybe.
But really, what’s the worse that could happen? No? Yeah, um, I get that all the time.
Maybe it’s time I follow the advise I give to my girls and just try…cause you never know unless you do, right?
Dear Government
Dear Government,
If you break our internet we will kick your ass.
If you make us stop blogging we will kick your ass.
If youtube and facebook and twitter and wikipedia go forever dark, we will kick your ass.
If the internet becomes less secure and less innovative and fraught with censorship, we will kick your ass.
If you pass SOPA/PIPA we will totally, and completely, kick your ass.
Love,
The interwebs.
PS: Hey, interwebs, so you can thoroughly make your bark as big as your bite, check out SOPA breaks the internet and add your voice.
3 people read my blog
If you noticed, I totally skipped blogging yesterday. I’m supposed to be in the throws of NaBloPoMo (one post a day) for January, but I was just in too much of a “return from vacation” stupor/hangover/freak-out that I decided to say screw it. I hope none of you are forever scarred.
Also, I did get news yesterday that people I know read my blog, and that has sent me into a crazy blogger tizzy.
My blog. Read by neighbors and friends and instructors and who-the-hell-else-knows.
Yikes.
See, I don’t actually share this site with people in “real life.” I don’t throw it out there to everyone I know. I know there are a few hundred of you that check in on a normal basis, but not too many I see on a regular Saturday night. Mostly because this blog is my little piece of sanity that I can use however the hell I see fit. I knew that a few friends read it occasionally, sure, and that was about it. But, I had three people in the same room – none of which I met through any kind of social media, and none of whom were related to me in any way – that all knew about my blog.
GULP.
I guess 3 is the tipping point for me because I find this both totally exciting and highly nerve wracking.
“More people are reading! Woohoo! They think I’m funny! Woohoo! I must actually be a blogger! Woohoo!”
was directly followed by:
“What if they are totally weird-ed out by all the crap I write about?” (As I’ve said in the past, I don’t exactly sound like this in real life, unless you’ve known me for 10+ years or have gotten me drunk. As an example, I heard the other day that another couple called me quiet. Bwahahahaha!)
“What if they tell more people about it and then all of a sudden there are people reading that I called a jerk in a previous post?”
“What if they’re like, “Wow! That Mandy sure is one hell of a bad mom and a nut job to boot!” then divert their eyes every time they pass me around town?”
Yeah. Neuroses. I’ve got ‘em.
Long post short…or not…
Hi, new readers! Hi, friends of mine! If you are new to Last Minute Mommy, welcome! Be warned, though: I cuss like a sailor, I talk a lot, I bitch about motherhood (but love my kids) and fitness and life in general, and sometimes I let out the inner crazy. So, pretty much, I’m just like you. Only, I am constantly late and so much less on my game.
Whether you’re new to this version of me or not, I’m glad your here. I hope you enjoy your stay.
You’ll find the padded room rather comfy once you settle in with a big ole’ glass of sangria.
Cheers!
I’m a Liebster, Baby
So, this seems a bit like bragging, but I was awarded a Liebster Blog badge the other day and I wanted to pass it on. Jewels of Frazzled and Frumpy had this to say about me:
“Last Minute Mommy- Mandy is funny, in that in-your-face kind of way. She’d be the girl that I’d follow around in high school, standing on the edge of her crowd, hoping some of her coolness would rub off on me. “
Say whaaaaa? Funny? Okay, sometimes. In-your-face? Yes, on occasion. Coolness?!? Ummmm, okay, I think she might be still high on the turkey fumes, but I’ll take it!
Liebster is a German word that means “dearest” (I’ve confirmed this in google translate, so as to validate the award. Because I’m a dork. Whatever.) It is given to up-and-coming bloggers with fewer than 200 readers. In order to send on the award, the recipient does the following:
1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them. (Check! See Above! No, really, go see her blog…she recently posted about her son growing up too fast – I may have gotten a little weepy. Okay, I totally cried.)
2. Reveal your top 5 blogs (with under 200 followers) and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog. (Done and done! See Below!)
3. Post the award on your blog. (Yuppers. See the right.)
4. Enjoy the love of some of the most supportive people on the Internet. (Ahhh, my bloggy heart runeth over.)
Here are the peeps I’m chosing to pass this on to….I have no idea of some of their numbers for readers, but I’m giving it to them anyway. It’s my blog, dammit, I’m doing it my way.
Ideabook is Ann’s blog on blogging, social media, marketing and more. I’m positive she has more than 200 readers, but she should have a whole hell of a lot more. She did the Komen walk with me and has kicked cancer’s ass, she is a mom, and dyes her hair pink/purple/blue on the regular. She’s all around super rad.
I’m A Drama Mama is Thea’s blog on healthy living and motherhood. She is real and honest and every post makes me think that she must have a small spy living in my head. I’m sure that since she is a long time writer for the Shrinking Jeans (who all are kickass bloggers of their own, bee tee dubs) she has many readers, but – again – my blog, so she is included in this list cause she is a ball of awesome.
Listen.Learn.Love.Mend. is Jen’s blog on healing and questing for health. I have been blessed to meet her in person and can I just say – LOVE. HER. She is honest and open and has the biggest heart ever. She has recently moved blogs, as she has gone through a run-haulting surgery, and is now trying to heal and find her way back to whole. She deserves all of our love and support.
Jane in Her Infinite Wisdom is a blog I just stumbled onto this week! But after reading a few posts, I am struck over the head with word after word, phrase after phrase, that makes my brain hum. She refers to her house as “The Grotto.” Her friends have the coolest names, ever. Add in “whirling dervish” and “accoutrements” and I’m totally hooked.
Insert your blog here. I love going to new blogs – those that you all are the owners of, or ones you suggest. Please hit me up in the comments below with your links!
Alrighty, that wraps up NaBloPoMo! Thank heavens, right?!
Not to worry though, I’ll see you soon. *maniacal laugh* *Maniacal Laaaaaaugh* *Maniacaaaaal Laaaaaaaugh!!!*
In response to the Anytime Fitness & “Fat” Stuff…
(If you aren’t a fitness blogger, than you probably don’t know what this is or care whatsoever, but anyway…)
I have this huge post I made to respond to this whole Anytime Fitness blogging debacle.
I think I come out looking more like a bitch than anything else in the post, so I don’t think I will hit publish.
But there are two things I want to mention really quick, since comments are closed on two of the websites involved and my other comment on the initial blogger’s post is somehow still “in moderation” when others are being posted.
One: The word “fat” has a negative connotation for many of us. It can be extremely hurtful or fuel to a fire. But either way, really, you make yourself look like an ass for using the term when referencing people as it’s simply not professional. Just don’t do it.
Two: (And this one is really only for those who read the blogs…) Mr. Zehetner came back to the original post and apologized for his poor behavior that he displayed in his initial reply to that post. The comments were then turned to “moderated-only” and his was deleted. The comment in which he was an ass was kept, the comment in which he apologized was deleted. In that same comment he offered to let the readers have the book for free so that they could form their own opinion. So, all those people had the opportunity to educate themselves, but it was then deleted by the blogger. That’s unfortunate. And, in my opinion, irresponsible. (I was lucky enough to catch the comment and will be reading the book to think for myself.)
We have a responsibility to our readers to offer the whole truth. Yes, we have the right to speak freely, scream from the internet rooftops, but also the responsibility to let others think fully.
That is all.
Halfway there #NaBloPoMo
Alright, it’s almost the half way point of NaBloPoMo, so it’s time to assess.
I think, over all, all this writing has been good for my blog. I’ve amazed myself and actually have gotten a post out every day. Some days with only a few minutes to spare, but still, there was a post of some sort. (This is no small feet for this last-minute lady.) It’s helped me meet a few people through BlogHer and Twitter. I’ve gotten some comments I wouldn’t have otherwise gotten. And had some conversations and insights from others that have been great as well. I’ve learned there are a few people who read all the posts I put out, surprisingly. That what I say may actually affect someone’s mood or their outlook on the day.
That’s craziness, I tell you. Pure craziness.
However, the down side is that I like my writing less. Almost everything is forced. It’s good in a way – some of the posts have been decently written and wouldn’t have otherwise been born – but it seems close to impossible to find a great topic every day. The writing prompts are nice, but they just aren’t “me.” (Do I prefer a pen or computer? What song did I hear today? Really? Does anyone give a shit?) Surprisingly, I don’t have a smart aleck semi-witty thing to say about everything under the sun.
Strange, I know.
Anyway, I’d say this venture is a success so far. I’m still struggling to come up with topics (hence this post) but it is nice to practice writing just to write. Just to use those brain cells that sometimes get locked into the recesses of my head. Clearing out the cobwebs.
Blogging = one big ass duster.
Stay Connected!