This is my BlogHer recap.

In plain text I will tell you what happened.  **In italics, I will take you to Mandy-world, where life is awesome, unicorns poop rainbows, and I never have to go near the laundry machine ever again.  To be clear: the stuff in italics did NOT happen in real life, only in my dreams.** Ready?  Away we go….

First, let me put out there that I was the one with her family.  My husband, and two beauties, came along for the NYC ride.  Yes, I did miss some stuff because I was with them.  No, I don’t regret it (per se) because it was MONEY to see my daughters reaction to the naked cowboy.  Yes, I totally bailed on the second half of day one to go to the top of the rock with them.  And No, they didn’t grind thousands of little bits of playdough into the carpet at the Sheraton.  No really, they didn’t.

Day One, Thursday…

We all woke up at a reasonable hour, got the car packed, and headed out to the train.  At the station I confidently charged up to the other waiting bloggers, and made a kick-ass joke that instantly bonded us all for life. I look good doing it.  (No, really. I even got a compliment on my tar-get top.)  At Penn station, my brood and I braved the NYC subway.  It’s not like the DC metro, but surprisingly, we all lived.  We arrived at a spacious Sheraton, with awesome views, and a shower that didn’t have standing water. After stashing our bags, we explored times square.  We saw the naked cowboy renewing vows and explored the King Tut exhibit.  We learned that the world is awesome.

Back at the hotel, after a quick rest, I was able to slap my dancing shoes on (you know, because I didn’t have huge blisters) and head on out to The People’s Party.  I, by some stroke of luck, met the Bloggess.  She told me I kicked ass. I went to bed tired, but happy.

Day Two, Friday…

I woke up, went down the the Newbie Breakfast.  Deb On The Rocks told us about her first BlogHer, and it made me laugh.  I met some lovely women at my table. Then I swooshed on down to meet the ladies of the MomSpark forum.  They were all very nice, and I’m glad I could thank them for really helping me feel prepared for all of the BlogHer logistics.  Next, I skipped all the swag suites and parties, in favor of the sessions.  I learned from amazing women about how to build a community around your cause.  Maggie Dammit was happy to answer my questions about how I could one day become as awesome as she is.

Then I had lunch, and sat at my own Birds of A Feather table, “Bloggers who don’t have the slightest freaking clue what their “niche” is, but still are still kick-ass.”  It was the most packed table in the room, and I met so many women, my heart was full.  After that, I went over to the second set of sessions, and finally learned how to use my fancy nikon properly.  Amazingly, I also learned how to clone myself, so that I didn’t missed out on hearing the design session.  Alex Vega may, or may not be, my new girl crush.

Later, I marveled at the amazing voices of the year keynote, reception, Kirtsy Gala, and art auction.  Marveled. And when I thought I couldn’t give anymore, I ended up at BarHer.  I danced my ass off with a great group of ladies.  We kicked off our shoes, drank, and  re-lived our younger years.  I, of course, took amazing shots of the event.  Nothing like the photograph you see here, that resembles what a drunk woman, waving a cellphone camera might take. After we just about shut the party down, we headed back over to the Hilton hotel bar and stayed there til the bartender turned the lights on.  As I can handle my liquor, I knew darn well that I would be absolutely fine the following morning, with no hint of a hangover.

Day Three, Saturday…

As expected, I was rarin’ to go, and hopped into breakfast in the morning. I listened to the amazing speakers at the keynote and at the personal blogging session.  Once again, lunch was superclafragalistic, and I kicked ass. Again, the miracles of cloning took place letting me listen to the fitness session with {the fantastic} Roni, of Roni’s Weigh – and the grief session with Anissa and Peter Mayhew.

During the last session I left the hotel to go on the Whrrl “Sex And The City” tour.  We stopped by a handful of famous SATC scene’s.  I knew them all right away, of course, because I’m a huge SATC fan. My favorite stop was Magnolia Bakery.  Because, really, I didn’t know chocolate icing could be so mind-blowingly-yummy.  The most off-the-wall stop was at The Pleasure Chest – where, the “rabbit” was purchased.  In the show.  I was lucky enough to get a picture of the craziness.  Yes, that is a line of women waiting to enter the store.  Yes, that is a advertisement for an upcoming “work shop” in the window.  And, yes, apparently its anal August.  After this amazing walk through a wonderfully different part of New york, we went back to the hotel.

After a little nap, I was considering bailing out on SparkleCorn.  But, I started tweeting – and got a few others to say they’d pry their asses out of bed too.  So I put on my sparkly shirt, and went to get down.  On the way, I ran into MaryAlice of Ace of Cakes.  She told me she loved my purple sequin shirt, and I told her I thought her hair was rocker-chic.  She then told me to run to check out the masterpiece they created for the party - the SparkleCorn Unicorn cake.

I was a little anxious, but found a table of friendly faces, and had a handful of drink tickets, so I figured everything would be all good.  Unfortunately, the legend of the bitchy blogger reared her ugly head.  I had a literal run-in with another woman who purposefully knocked into me, spilling my drink.  (No, I’m not kidding.) She changed her path to do so, had no words of apology, or even glances of concern to show me.  I was livid.

But, being a good blogger, I knew just what to do.  I went into the hallway, and got out my handy smart phone.  I sat my ass down on the carpet and crafted a witty, engaging post about the incident, and vowed to let my post be my revenge.  Because I obviously would want to cry in public, or let her win by going back to my room, I charged back into the party, and got my drink on.  Later, I also got my dance on, my cheeseburger on, and my “make-new-friends” hat on.

And then it was over.

I found a few more of my favorite bloggers to say hello/goodbye to, then took a near-death-making cab ride back to Penn Station.  I decompressed on the ride back with some great women, got home, and crashed.

And that’s what happened.  Mostly.

**Remember, plain text = happened, italics = not so much**

If you made it this far, you need to lay off the coffee.  Also, you may want to check this post out, where I get a little emo about BlogHer10.